I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
