She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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