you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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