i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
