Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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