You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
