i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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