She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
