your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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