Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
