oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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