What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
