I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize