i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
