My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am naked and annoyed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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