I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My vagina is officially offended.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
