Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
