Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
