I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
