Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
