Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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