They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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