I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
