the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
