I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
