Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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