Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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