just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
