It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
