there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
