i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
