I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
