Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
