dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
