Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
