I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
