Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
