I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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