Nicole vs. Life
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
