four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
