Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
