the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
