erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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