I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
