Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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