It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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