The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got chris browned last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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