That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
