Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
