I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
