her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
