I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
