I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
