It's Friday. Sex?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
