Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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