mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
