what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
