very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
