Cold hands, warm shart.
This is not my ceiling
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
