Just mADE A PArabola og urine
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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