you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she looked like the before picture.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
