i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I am morally bankrupt
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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